Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don’t know why, but I have been feeling down in the dumps lately. No matter what happy moments I have, I still want to break down and cry almost immediately after. Now, as a woman, I can technically blame it on the hormones, seeing as I’m on my period and I’m on birth control. However, I don’t fully believe my hormones are the sole cause of my misery. I’ve noticed that it is my self-loathing this past year that has caused me such unquenchable pain. Uncharacteristically, I turn to material things for quick happiness. That didn’t work – it never does. Nothing satisfies me and I end up wanting to get rid of everything I have. I feel weighed down by it all. It did help me get rid of the clutter, thankfully. So this self-loathing has me doing idiotic things that I know does not bring me happiness. I have decided to step out of my own sunshine. I am learning to like myself again on a day by day basis. Okay, let’s be honest, I’m learning to like myself again on a moment by moment basis. Sometimes I do really well. Sometimes, I want to bury myself and cry. But you know what? I’m going to beat my blues and I am going to love myself again.

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